http://briankim320.tumblr.com/

God can you hear me?

Mon, 13 Feb 2012 05:01:47 -0500

As I sit here at 4:45 in the morning studying for an exam, I can’t help but to be distracted. Mind cluttered, empty, blah. It’s been a really interesting second semester as my college career comes to an end. I’m excited, but scared. But that’s not what’s really bothering me.

The new year has been filled with ups and lots of downs, and its only February. I am bitter towards God, when I know I shouldn’t. I tell myself that I’m not, but as I sulk in my brokenness, I can’t help but to wonder why I am so empty, and why I can’t turn to Him. [It’s been forever since I’ve been on tumblr, I hope no one uses this thing anymore.] I’m starting to wrestle with God and starting to question the basis of my faith, and who I am as a person, a Christian, a son, a friend, a brother.

I’ve stayed sane so far into the new year because I’ve kept myself busy in the last month and a half or so, but because I am here in my apartment alone, and with some time to think [not really], my heart is racing and my mind is on overload with all of the things that I chose not to worry about. Shit is hitting the walls hard. Fuck man.

I’m tired of living my life on a day to day basis. I’m not pursuing my goals, I’m just wasting my time. Sure, I study, go to work, catch up with friends, and fill out job applications for entry level positions, but those are habitual activities. I don’t do anything with purpose, with passion, with care. I stopped caring about a lot of things, and I don’t know. To be honest, my heart just hurts. Simple as that.

I drink when I feel pain, and I smoke until my lungs hurt hoping that the pain would go away, but that’s temporary. And it’s sad because I know it’s temporary. I’m just tired of living through bullshit. I don’t know why I’m even posting this to be honest. I guess I need to just write things down so I can get it off my chest and clear my head.

God I am in desperation. Will you comfort me, and will you break this stubbornness? I know that my pride alters the path that I should be taking, but will you humble me?

that's what friends are for

Wed, 27 Jul 2011 20:25:22 -0400

tumblroy:

one of my friends came up to me and said he’s trying to choose between two jobs.

he said it was one of the hardest decisions he’ll ever make.

i looked at him as if he was saying to me, “should i make money or make money? should i be secure or be secure?”

what an ass.

newyorkcrystal: Hey guys. So my Aunt got me a MacBook air for...

Thu, 27 Jan 2011 22:00:25 -0500

newyorkcrystal:

Hey guys. So my Aunt got me a MacBook air for my birthday but she didn’t know that I already have one. I can’t take it back. So I decided to give it away to one of my followers on here, it doesn’t matter what country you live in. You just have to re-blog this and be following me. I’ll pick a random winner on valentines day.

eye on the prize

Fri, 19 Nov 2010 12:00:09 -0500

there are not enough hours during the day.

there are goals that need to be met every single week, but i always seem to forget to finish one of my goals (QT being one of them). I find myself growing lazier and lazier. Gotta stay in work mode, and can’t be thinking about break yet. 4 finals, internship applications, and a special project is underway, gotta do work!

This semester has been a cold splash of water to my face, like my communication professor would say. Reality has really slapped me around this semester. I am no longer a freshman, or an underclassman for that matter. I am a freaking junior. I’m starting to panic a little because I know that I need to get an internship this summer, and do well academically. I have an idea of what I want to do in my life, but there are so many options.

It’s funny because on the outside I’m so composed and nonchalant about what’s to come in the future, but “forreal forreal”, it’s eating away at me. From now until graduation, I need to be productive and efficient in everything I do every single day in order for me to be successul. Which reminds me…

I was out for coffee with my SoonJang (whats goodie Jongs!), and he asked me my definition of success. Now that I think about it, I gave him a very “textbook”/general answer (my bad, unintentional!). I need to really reassess my life and make some necessary changes.

Enough rambling…

Desperate.

Mon, 01 Nov 2010 21:51:53 -0400

More of you, less of me.

reality after now

Fri, 29 Oct 2010 06:02:03 -0400

it took me approximately 2 academic school years and 2 months to realize that i need to pick up my shit and really haul ass. good job brian. attending an infosession yesterday made me realize how much competition there is in business, or life for that matter. time to be the best, let’s go!

lost.

Thu, 14 Oct 2010 04:34:56 -0400

prayer. i should do that sometime.